Healing is a messy journey. Often I find myself reacting to some past hurt, and bleeding on the current joys of life.
In a romantic relationship, it is very important for me to feel connected to the person. Even when the intimacy of the relationship by itself doesn’t demand that we speak to each other every day, come rain or hail – it was one of my “needs.”
I found myself distracted, hurt or neglected if that didn’t happen.
Two things that I realised-
- There were/ are times in this relationship where I have betrayed myself to keep the peace. So in my mind I look to my partner to compromise on their boundaries too to keep me happy. Unfair, no?
- When that doesn’t happen, my mind cooks up stories of why I am not important to them, even when I have factual proof of the opposite. A lot of the things that my mind is telling me is my limbic brain reacting to unfavourable circumstances outside.
Limbic brain is the part of the brain that ensured that we survived. It activates the fight/ flight response – and is kind enough to always tell us of possible dangers (especially imagined ones). The limbic brain is in hyperdrive in those of us who are prone to being more anxious than the rest.
What I am trying to say is that when you bleed on people, forgive yourself from expecting too much out of them and most importantly from yourself. Healing is messy because you might mess up a few relationships – that’s how you heal your triggers.
And I want to say here that the right ones always stay. But I know everybody is human. You’ve got to take your anxiety with a pinch of salt too.