I know that the title is insensitive.
Ordinarily it would be insensitive for me to tell you that the parts of you that are hurting the most could be turned into something beautiful.
But if you think about it, it could also be the best way to pay homage to your loss.
In the space following loss, you experience almost no creativity. It is but a chore to get out of bed and make yourself presentable for that day. When you are grieving, you are feeling a lot of everything. There is anger, pain, loss, feeling self righteous or feeling as if you are on the receiving end always. Many of us tend to think that this is how life will always be for us. That we will forever grieve, because the loss is so deep and it hurts so much, and all the time.
Engaging yourself in something creative helps you find balance while dealing with grief. There was a period of about 3 weeks when I didn’t create anything after my umpteenth break up. No matter how many times it happens, it still hurts. Those 3 weeks I was in denial. It was painful. And then I published this.
It is what I resort to unconsciously every time that I am working my way through some kind of loss. Reading this might make you feel that I have seen too many losses for a lifetime, but to be honest, it is no more or less than what you’ve been through yourself.
Let me share what I do.
- I focus on what’s right in front of me. This laptop, a notebook, a pen, a water bottle and the book that I am reading. I close my eyes and just centre myself amongst these. In the present moment, I am at peace. In the present moment, I have enough. And then I put my words to paper.
- History says that we will survive almost all the tragedies that we will go through, except the one that will be the death of us. I think that’s how I’d also like to define life. When I find myself running down dark alleys, when I come untethered from the present moment, I think of survival. I think of how everybody I know or used to know has survived heartache of some kind. And how they made it through some really nasty ones. I continue writing, now flavoured with a tinge of survival than a few minutes ago.
- Rabbit holes suck us into the ground. Grief is like that. When you find yourself losing control with all that you are feeling, let it be. Lost control is not a lost cause. Feel every bit of it. Then keep writing.
The most beautiful creations around us are born of tragedy. The Taj Mahal is a tomb and yet a symbol of undying love. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, about star crossed lovers is of love that dies before its time and yet continues to be timeless. The Iliad and Odyssey, are epic poems, but talk of revenge, loss, betrayal and hurt and love of course.
We owe a lot to heartache and heartbreaks and losses and betrayal. Without them, there would be no lessons worth being learnt. No stories worth being listened to. So when you are working through some trying times of your own, it helps if you can channel the pain into something that could go on to heal others.
Life doesn’t come with a handbook. But nobody is stopping you from creating a cheat sheet. The pain will still have to be managed. And you will make it, because, there will come a day, when you will wake up and that loss won’t be the first thing on your mind.