When I look back, say 10 years, I don’t think I was a nice person. I was zero on empathy, didn’t believe in feeling too much or anything at all. I was in a relationship of convenience, or maybe in multiple relationships of convenience. A lot of what I let myself feel was “transactional”. I felt anger, injustice, envy, doubt- I felt too much of those and not enough of the things that are actually worth feeling.
And now, 10 years later, I am a different person. I feel too much. Now I think it’s not healthy to feel so much.
I have also found that I am enough. And that I will always keep growing. Every relationship unearths a part of me that was till now lying in a blind spot. But over the years, I have become more of myself too. I have come in touch with who I am. It brings me closer everyday to who I want to be.
So change isn’t as absolute or as drastic or as dire as the word sounds. We change everyday into becoming more of ourselves. We shed the parts that the world had forced on to us. Life teaches you to be tough. But change tells you that being tough only helps if you are vulnerable in equal measure.
Your conditioning over life moulds you in a certain way. There are things you accept without really understanding them. Simply because they are the way things have always been. As we change, we examine our conditioning. We look for ways to be better than we have conditioned into being. We don’t take our value systems for granted, but rather we unearth all of ourselves.
I have also learnt that we listen all the time without really listening. And then with time, one day finally we listen. We listen to the message and not the messenger. Change ensures that- that your focus be the message.
Change happens when we examine what we have been feeling. When we feel things, we find why we are hurting, or why we are elated or why we are hopeful or why we are dejected.
One fine day, we look back and nothing is ever the same. Everything has changed. And day to day, nothing really changes.