I was going through a bad break up, my worst so far. I knew in my bones that it was over, but I willed the universe into giving me signals that there was still hope.
I looked out for signs behind cars, anything that could be his name.
I played Ludo and bet that if I won, he would come back.
I prayed incessantly, breaking within and being stoic outside. I could almost hear myself crumbling with the effort of keeping it together.
And then I read, The 40 rules of Love by Elif Shafak.
I will not attempt to “review” it. That would be blasphemy. I will only say that that book saved my life. It is one of the reasons why I look at love the way I do today. Why I look for freedom in love and why I believe that only in setting ourselves free (you can never never really set anyone else free), can we truly love like love is meant to be.
When your mind is at peace with your idea of romance and love, you quickly move onto what is your purpose. Because while love is worthwhile, love is worth every bit of pain, it can never really be your purpose. It is then like saying that breathing is your purpose in life. But actually, breathing just is, just like love is.
I read The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes. A story of a pack of horse librarians who ride into the hills and take books to the isolated homes there. These librarians are women, each bruised by life and striving to live their best version of it. These women had each hoped for their life to turn out differently. They positively worked at being different and how. And then life happened and it happened hard and sharp.
They realised they were so much more than what they gave themselves credit for.
When you find the strength within, you are truly from where stars are born.
That book left me feeling full and light for a very long time. It taught me that despair, desperation, depression- they don’t have to be the end that we imagine them to be. They are a rough patch. That book made me believe, once again in the mightiness of a higher power, and that no matter what, we are being looked after.
Now I want to go back into the past, almost 10 years ago and talk about “The Kite Runner”, by Khaled Hosseini. It is the tale of two men. A story of two friends who are divided by poverty and riches. And how monetary affluence does nothing to fill the holes in our hearts. How that with or without means, life puts us in our place. And if we are lucky and relentless, life lets us make our dent in the world.
These books weave a lifetime in between them. Every time you read them, you learn something that you didn’t know before. Every time that you read them, there is a new beginning inside of you. Books are like that, they talk to you of possibilities and of flying and then also anchor you.