Love- is simple?

You play with my hair, and my soul starts to sing;

You brush away a tiny bit of food from the corner of my mouth, and I can barely wait to put mine on yours;

You take in my cold feet at night, warming them with that look in your eye;

When I run my hands over you, you sigh in disbelief;

As if this was unbelievable for you.

It is surreal to me.

That sheer strength when you oil my hair,

That warm embrace when I come back home,

That look in your eye, when I go bonkers at M&S,

Those indulgent smiles when I tell you the same story.

Those nights when you rock me to sleep after a bad fight,

Wiping away tears that don’t stop,

Telling me in the morning, forget what happened yesterday.

Those late night chats about yesterday, today and tomorrow,

That little peek into what makes you you.

Those dinners where you only sit to watch me eat,

Where you go with me to fine dining, but insist on road side momos later,

When I want to lay the world at your feet, but realise my world is in your arms.

When we go out together, me clingy and drunk, you stoic and steady

When that light pressure from your arm around my waist, is the safest I have ever felt

When I feel those muscles rippling in anticipation of what happens when we go home,

But you gently put me to bed

For tomorrow is an early day and tonight I am barely awake.

When I wake up in the morning to poached eggs and buttered toast.

I know I am home.

And when you ask if you can borrow a tampon,

Or if you can wear my neon green sports bra,

Or if I can help pleat your saree,

That’s when I know

This is what I have longed for. This is me.

I am in your heart and you are in mine.

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For those who think they are difficult to love

After decades of being with others;

You find someone who’s deeper than you,

Someone who doesn’t try to-

Tame you;

Take you;

Sober you;

Indulge you;

Slow you;

Calm you.

Someone who only understands you,

Someone who loves your parts and your whole,

Someone one melts into a puddle when you love them,

Someone who stands stoic when you wrong them,

Somebody who doesn’t leave through the maze of pain and tears and said unsaid words,

Somebody who stays to listen and to understand,

Somebody who understands that their words carry weight with you,

Somebody who says they won’t hurt you and then don’t hurt you.

If you have felt you are difficult to love,

If you love being yourself too much,

Once in your lifetime you will meet somebody,

Who will love inspite of all the difficulties,

Who will tell you there’s so much more to you than what you’ve discovered yourself.

Someone who will discover you with you. And what they only need is You. Entirely.

The First Date.

When I look back, I have never been on a first date first date. In the past relationships, we had known each other since school or undergrad, so things just flowed into one another. We used to hang out, and then we watched movies or we ate ice cream. But the romance of the first date was never there. I never missed it. I didn’t know it existed.

I went on a first date yesterday. We sat holding hands in the cab. We watched a play. My first live theatre. It was in a language neither of us understood, but the artistes were par excellence. So much so that their expressions said it all. Language wasn’t a barrier. It was an open show, under a colourful canopy. It was chilly and cold. My hands were freezing and my thighs were shaking. It was cold. He asked if I’d like his jacket. I politely declined. I didn’t want him to be cold too.

The show finished. It was a beautiful experience. The depth of emotion was new to me, especially one portrayed in person, in flesh and blood.

We hung out near the food stalls. We chatted on and off. He insisted on the jacket then. It felt snug. Warm. Like a hug.

We got a cab back to my place and held hands in the cab.

We spoke at length about the play. About the emotions and its relevance to society. About what we can do as individuals to raise strong children.

Somewhere during the date, we stopped being him and I, and became us. It was in that moment, when he looked right into my eyes and said – what is it that you want to say but are worried I may not like it.

I told him. He didn’t like it. What he said. I didn’t like it.

But unlike before, instead of that being an issue, we chose to disagree and moved on to other topics. Being right or wrong was inconsequential to us. Being heard was more important.

He dropped me home. There was a long hug. And a kiss on the forehead. And a whispered wish- Good night.

The Past will Never Matter as much as the Present

The past doesn’t matter. It never has. What matters is how present you are to receive the present. What matters is how you choose to be today.

Who do you choose to be today? Are you somebody who’s flaunting battle scars and losses, or are you somebody who’s enjoying the journey?

Who do you choose to love today? Are you somebody who loves the shadow of past love, or are you somebody who’s willing to dive into the current relationship head on?

Who do you choose to become tomorrow? Are you happy with a perception of yourself in your mind or are you actually going to come out of your mind and do something about it?

If you want a future that you deserve, you will have to put efforts into it, into yourself, into time. Into creating it.

Every relationship may not have been how you wanted it to be, but life rarely is how you want it to be. You have everything you need, let life make space for itself in you.

It’s not so difficult. I know you are worried. I understand you are anxious. I can feel your fright. But.

There’s only one way to know if this is the one. To go through with it.