The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck – Easier said than done.

I have a family member who’s very opinionated. Opinionated to the extent of not making space for other people’s thoughts and very often concluding rather forcefully that if you don’t agree with what he’s saying, you are wrong.

Agreeing to disagree is an esoteric concept to him.

So what happens in the aftermath of him forcing his views at other people? Well, his family tries to compensate. They have gotten to a point where they know this person can’t be reasoned with and so they try to be extra nice to those that he has put off.

How do you manage around family such as this?

The easiest is to ignore. I mean you meet them for very little time, it’s easier to forget and move on.

But what if this family member is your Dad or your Mom?

You understand that these conversations suck the energy out of you and you would rather not engage. Or maybe you talk only as little as what’s transactionally required.

And all of this is after you’ve made efforts to get them to listen. To tell them that they don’t listen, that they only counter and attack; all to no effect.

Quite simply then, here’s the solution:

You honestly have very limited fucks to give in life. This isn’t one of them. You don’t have to feel happy and comfortable at all times. You are probably thinking this is about indifference. It’s not.

To not give a fuck about them, you need to be able to care for something larger.

For example:

1. I give a fuck about good conversations; I want to listen and be heard and I want it to be a meaningful discussion that doesn’t end with someone saying “you may say what you want, but I am right”. OR

2. I give a fuck about maintaining my peace of mind so I am not going to engage in this.

You get the drift.

Having a reaction to this person may seem inevitable to you. Today. In a few years, or maybe in a couple of decades, you may think “Wow! Why did I even worry about that!”

That is so liberating!

Focus today on what matters to you and religiously stick to it. Easier said than done, but it’s an art. It takes time.

Along the way, what you choose to give a fuck about will also evolve. Let it. That’s called maturity.

Reference:

https://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

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Reading in times of Netflix

What is human? To be reasonable, to grieve, to be happy, to be sad.

I once visited a place like this in Mumbai, there too in a room as cramped as this, there was no bed, but there was a huge TV. Tell me, how is a TV more important than a bed?

A bed keeps you in the slum; a TV takes you out of it.

Violence in any form is condemned. But the violence that is unforgivable is the one that we do unto ourselves; when we stop ourselves from being what we really want to be.

I have worked very hard to be here today. I can’t get the roles that I want to do, and be gay.

Often in life, you have to start thinking about what you work for and then what you live for.

One day, we will all be judged by the courage of our hearts!


 

sens381The reader in me can’t seem to get out of these lines. I have picked them up from a show on Netflix. The Calcutta Chromosome is gathering dust on my bedside and so are many others. Over the last 9 months, I have fallen ridiculously behind on my reading. It hasn’t stopped me from buying the books or requesting specific ones as gifts; I am just finding it difficult to concentrate.

It could be a bad thing; reading after all is almost akin to a virtue that sets one apart.

But what have I learnt over the last few months of not reading:

  1. Reading isn’t the only way of enhancing one’s vocabulary. From “Elementary” I have learnt colloquial English usage like never before.
  2. Shows like Stranger Things and Sense 8 make me marvel at the imagination of the people that have conceptualized them; at the extent of unharnessed potential still in the world. The depth of emotion in seemingly normal situations
  3. The Ranch has shown me how a family changes shape yet remains a family; dysfunctional or not!
  4. Merlin is about the innocence of trusting that you have a particular destiny and then making it come true! Who knows if it was destiny or something that you worked for?

There are many shows that I have chanced upon and then gotten hooked.


The one thing that I miss is when you come upon nuggets of wisdom in a book, you can read and re- read till your heart feels full, not as convenient when on a TV show.

While it is one perspective to say that we prefer Netflix because it is more convenient, and everything is served to us on a platter, I believe it is only that, a matter of perspective. It’s a view into so many cultures.

So many cultures and yet people are similarly unique- no matter your nationality, you are uniquely human.

You may be from Iceland or from America, but you feel the same trepidation when approaching someone that you like.

You may be from Germany or from India, but you understand that people have similar thoughts on nudity and privacy.

Nudity doesn’t mean not being decent and privacy doesn’t mean you can let go off decency.

Be it Kenya or London, you draw inspiration from movie stars; their dialogues give you the power to keep surging ahead. You know how certain dialogues stay with you long after you have forgotten the story.

How decency is a choice and privacy is matter of perspective. Bonds by blood are accidental and those of friendships are by choice, and far stronger.

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The idea of a book is so that you have a conversation with yourself. The stories and the words draw images in your head and facilitate conversations with yourself, so that you learn new thoughts, you have new thoughts; you draw your own conclusions.

Pick whatever works your mind and soak it in!